I’ve spent so much time waiting. For people to notice. To see my heart, my value, my worth. To give me permission to be me. To avoid judgment and labels. But it’s just too exhausting trying to be anything other than who I am, simple and complicated. This is me.
On the surface, I’m a little bit fiery. I credit both my spicy Hispanic side and my Fighting Irish heritage. I love big purses and red lipstick. I’m heavy handed with my makeup and I do my best to avoid the sun. I’m an early-riser to the core, unless the babies keep me up all night (which is often these days). I can be a bit airy-fairy, and maybe a little on the louder side. I always have goals. Always.
My People are most important in my life. My People are my husband and my two boys, my parents and a handful of dear friends and family. I want to be the biggest advocate of my People. My motherhood goal is to raise happy, secure kids with strong values and convictions. The only thing more important is being married to my best friend and keeping our marriage strong especially during these challenging little years of raising babies.
As a kid, I wanted to be an event planner, nurse, mother, school teacher and pretty much everything. Now, I want to write and build genuine connections. To be pulled and pushed into seeing things a new way and find meaning and beauty in every day. I’m on a journey to create a life I don’t need a vacation from. I want to be a forever student. Always learning my way through new life seasons and challenges.
If you walked into my house you would be greeted by my German Shepherd, named Giada like the chef, and you might stumble over legos strung like confetti throughout our living room. My hubby is a Coastie, which makes me a Coast Guard spouse and we move around. A lot. We are currently in the Pacific North West, a short jump-skip-hop and 12-hour drive away from where I grew up in Southern California, this is our home at least for now.
My dream house sits on Sunset Cliffs in San Diego. One day I will move there and spend my mornings jogging along the beaches working off the endless supply of Mexican food available to me. One day.
I struggle with fear I’m not doing enough for my husband, the boys, my family and friends, my church, my community, my career, my house.
All of it.
Because it seems there is never enough time and I have to remember asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
In this season I value love, hope, learning, bravery, creativity, inspiration, and beauty. I believe God’s love is beautiful, undeserved and essential but I’ve been hurt by fundamentalism and sometimes still struggle with the church. Part of my life’s mission is to find God in every day and every person. Seeking and staying curious. Staying on a path of sharing, letting go, forgiving and loving.
Both for myself and others.
Thanks for joining me.